All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
