also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
