I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
