his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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