just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
