This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
