If that was your dad, he is hot
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
