we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize