did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
