well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
