I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
