I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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