We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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