i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
