I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
