ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they're like a gay fantastic four
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
