eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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