I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
