3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
