Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
