My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
