ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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