Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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