If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
