so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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