how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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