she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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