dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
