I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
