I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
