If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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