At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize