you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize