she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
