i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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