I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
