I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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