so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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