ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize