I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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