Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize