Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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