my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
