Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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