Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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