we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
