my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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