well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
