You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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