Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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